S.A. Rambles

Man, they are not joking when they say that comparison is the thief of joy. Not only does it cause us to become joy-less of the life we live but it also invites jealousy and self doubt to join the party. This year more than ever, my soul craves companionship and every time I scroll through instagram or facebook and see that someone has entered into a new relationship I immediately wonder...why not me? I try to suffocate those thoughts as soon as I realize that I'm being consumed by them but it's hard. It's hard understanding why despite your desire to be in a relationship you are still not in one. It's hard not comparing yourself to others when you seem to have similar qualities yet they are the ones in a long term relationship, starting a family or already having a family. Here I am, 26 years old and the possibility of being a long term serious relationship, being married and possibly starting a family seem so unattainable and unrealistic.  The worst part isn...

Every time I want to put into words how I feel about my dad's current situation and impending resolution (?)  I can't really articulate what is on my mind and heart. When he was housed at the county jail I feel like I had a glimmer of hope. I had a countdown. Only one more month. Only two weeks. I checked the website constantly to see if he had been moved or if the worst, getting picked up by ICE, had happened. Nothing. Everything remained the same yet it didn't. With each passing week my heart felt a little fuller, that feeling that hope always brings to you. Then one night I checked the website and I saw "Released." What?!?!?!? My heart fluttered. I'm not kidding when I said that I smiled and thought that he didn't call because he was planning on surprising me. I was finally going to be able to give him a hug after months of not having anything but phone conversations. We were finally going to go hiking on Sunday at the Chumash Trail that I would alw...

Holy smokes! Apparently the last time I popped in here was back in November (-->insert wide eyed emoji with its mouth open and hands on it's cheeks.)??!?! I feel like I'm dating this blog. I go through periods where I like the idea of it and get super inspired/excited to write about something and  post non-stop BUT then I get scared and become scared of committing and entering into a seriously relationship. -->Sidenote:  can you tell I could never be a writer?? I don't even want to know how many times I wrote "and."--> Back to the regular scheduled program...... I realize that I teether on the edge of commitment but then I back track and go flirt with other things but I always seem to come back running to this rambling blog of mine. Maybe I'm just a heathen for pain. Am I just destined to be a flirty serial dater but never a committer??? Totally not trying to turn this post into a therapy sesh so back to the topic that I really came her to talk(?)...