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Let's talk about Friend's advice on how to talk to "my gym hottie"

Since I’m basically like bambi barely learning how to walk I’ve been getting a lot of advice on how I should approach “my gym hottie” and how to find out if he is interested.
Someone points out the obvious “just be super flirty with him” to which I blankly stare because I have no clue what being “flirty means.” Upon further inquiry my friend tells me to just get close to him and “you know” touch him. She then demonstrates this flirtatious act. Yeah….. I don’t know how that would work out. Do I just go up and pet this person? How do you get close to someone at the gym without making it awkward by touching them? This technique does not seem it will work out too well considering that I tense up and become a spastic mess in front of him. I’m totally nailing the flirting thing if he finds my rambles or sarcastic comments amusing but I have no clue if he does so the verdict is still out.

I’m also told “Why don’t you just ask him out?” Considering that I am a very blunt and straightforward person, I think this is a great idea….. in theory. TRUST ME when I say that I have no problem voicing my opinion or telling people how I feel about them BUT dating is foreign territory to me.  I’m basically Erin Brockovich in my day to day interactions.  However, Erin Brockovich is nowhere to be found when I see and interact with him. Asking him out is straight up out of the questions. I can’t even string coherent sentences that aren’t full of random rambles or sarcastic comments. How am I supposed to ask him out when I make no sense? Also if he is completely disinterested in me, I want to still be able to talk to him and me asking him out and getting rejected would just be a whole lot of awkwardness that I don’t think I could handle. Not happening.

Another one was “why don’t you try to find out where he works or where he likes to hang out? You can go there and maybe bump into him. ”. So basically she wants me to stalk him. Don’t get me wrong. I am an amazing social media stalker but  I draw a line when it comes to embarking on a full on Amazing Race-type of journey. I like him just not to the point of obsession.  I’m thinking that he would most likely think I’m a creepy human being and would probably get a restraining order against me. I’m trying to find out if he is interested in me, not turn him away. Somehow I feel like she might be just as lost with dating as I am but she has a boyfriend so what do I know?!? Let’s just say I don’t think I’ll be following this advice any time soon.


So much advice, so little time. I’ll keep you posted and by you, I mean the inner monologue I have every time. If you did read this then I love you and you should probably give me more advise because your girl needs A WHOLE LOT OF HELP.

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