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Let's talk about Quarter Life Crisis?!?!?!

So I was watching Flipping Out  on Bravo and this was the second episode of the new season and I guess the theme was all about having kids and raising kids. Jeff and gage are going through this huge transition of finally starting a family through IVF. During the episode they are in the clinic waiting for the egg to be "planted" inside the surrogate mother and both Gage and Jeff are super nervous about the outcome. Is it going to take? Will it work? are they going to have a girl soon? basically fear is setting in that this might not work and they will have to start the process over again and the emotional roller coaster that comes along with it. 

And I for some reason got super emotional. Like I don't know if I'm going through a quarter life crisis or what but I'm becoming more and more fearful of ending up alone for the rest of my life. Before people start saying their spewing out their  " OMG don't worry you'll find somebody:" routine, let me just say that I feel like my fears are completely rational. 

I mean I'm 24 years old. Never dated anybody, let alone been in a serious relationship. I still haven't met anybody that has been willing to ask me out and/or shown any interest whatsoever. Plus it seems like everyone around has found somebody whom they are in a serious relationship with or have already started a family with. Like all these thoughts just come running through my head…..am I really that unattractive? do I really not have ANY qualities that are remotely interesting to the opposite sex? am I just this extremely weird human that is destined to remain alone for the rest of her life?

I mean it's not hard to believe that someone can go their whole lives without meeting and starting a family with someone. There are millions of examples out there in the world of elderly people ending up at a nursing home all alone. I'm not saying that I WANT  to get married right here and now and immediately start a family. and I certainly don't feel like I need a man to complete me. All I am saying is that it would be nice to know that I can have a partner in life whom I can share my life with. Am I really that repulsive that nobody would want to date me?!?!?

I would like to think that I have some remotely  qualities about me: I'm loyal, protective, trustworthy, reliant, smart,  and funny (even if it's in a sarcastic manner most of the time) just to name a few. And I don't think I'm completely "ugly" in the physical sense either. 

I guess I'm just at a point where I have finally found myself. I know who I am. I am happy and comfortable (at least the majority of time) in my own skin. I've grown so much to finally be at a place where I can fully and confidently say I love and know myself enough  where I know that I don't NEED  a man to completely.  I WANT  a man to complement me and be in a relationship with. Yet here I am. Ready. But it seems like nobody is willing to embrace me. 

I guess I shouldn't be so impatient since it's taken me almost 25 years to finally figure myself out. I don't know. Maybe I'm going through a mid life crisis. or maybe my injury and lack of exercise has allowed me to focus my thoughts somewhere else but this is how I feel right now. 


Universe if you're listening……this is me saying I'm ready to be in a relationship with man that can appreciate and love who I am with all my flaws and quirks. 
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