"It isn't that she's faking it, exactly, but part of her is always holding back" Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline.
I read this passage and it hit me to the core.
When do we reach the point in our adulthood where we become fully accepting of who we are? The point where we are no longer putting a facade in order to conform, fit in or be liked? The point when we are comfortable being "us" and not hold back for fear of not being accepted for who we are?
The point where we don't hold back and live our lives unapologetically?
For some, it may take years. For others, it may come sooner rather than later. For me, I feel like I reached that point this year at the ripe age of 26. I'm no longer basing my self worth on the validation of others. I'm no longer holding back on expressing my hobbies and interests in order to seem more appealing, be more liked or conform to the norm. I am no longer apologizing for my core beliefs, values and morals. I'm no longer diminishing myself in order to make others comfortable.
That's not to say that I'm scoffing at the need for continual growth and change. I acknowledge that I'm flawed and that I still need to work on certain things about myself but I believe I can do that while simultaneously accepting my core self.
My blog is called SA rambles because it's my attempt at conveying my inner jumble thoughts. This might make absolutely no sense but what I'm trying to say is that I'm no longer holding back. I'm willing to be vulnerable and be my true self instead of feeling like an imposter.
In the past, I held back a lot of core pieces of who I am because I was paralyzed by this fear of not being liked or fitting in. This cost me the chance of forming strong friendships and it makes me sad that I was so insecure in myself and that I thought I wasn't worthy enough to be liked for just being "me." For so long I thought that in order to reach this level of acceptance I had to physically change the way I looked. That I had to look a certain way in order to finally feel comfortable enough sharing who I am. Boy, was I wrong because that is totally not the case.
It feels so damn good to not feel like I need to act a certain way, look a certain way or think a certain way to be worthy and confident in myself. It took 26 years of little moments to get to this "aha" moment of being able to confidently stand in my own skin.
So if you want a little glimpse of who I really am, here are a few things:
I love Harry Potter. Read every book. Watched every movie (more than I can count) and can basically give you the names of all the spells. Harry Potter World in Universal Studios is my dream come true.
Reading is my favorite hobby. I can get lost in books stores, spend way too much money on buying book and have multiple shelfs of overflowing books. Nothing brings me more joy than being able to sit at home, crack open a new book and light a candle. That's my kind of Friday night.
I'm a hopeless romantic. I still haven't lost hope that I will someday find my prince charming and we'll grow old and happy together. I actually hold back tears every time I see an elderly couple holding hands because I want that so badly.
I have a lot of walls up and a hard exterior but if you take the time to know me, you'll see that I'm actually highly sensitive person and a big softy.
I love grocery stores just as much as a I love book stores. Dream date would be going to whole foods and exploring the aisles, hitting up their hot bar and eating one of their store desserts.
Sunrises bring me so much joy. It's the time where I feel most connected to God and when I let myself feel all the emotions. I cry a lot during this time, tears of joy and sorrow, but I feel so damn good afterwards.
I live a God centered life. He was there for me through one of the darkest periods of my life and He showed me that hHs plans are way bigger than the plans I have for myself. Jeremiah 29:11 is the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I see when I go to sleep.
I'm not afraid of making people uncomfortable and calling out injustices. I will not stay quiet on issues that I have strong opinion on such as immigration, white privilege, sexual assault and the state or our nation.
Hardly ever drink because when you grow up with an alcoholic father you come to see alcohol as more bad than good. Plus I really don't like the taste if it's not wine or a margarita.
Don't wear make up. Never been interested. Not my jam but I 100% respect and look up to girls who do because that takes skillz.
My worst nightmare is being stuck sitting down for hours. I hate it. This is why I could never roadtrip. I like being outdoors and constantly moving.
I think I got this from my dad, but I LOVE to dance. Give me a dance floor and I'll be there all night.
soo there you have it folks.....just a couple of thinks that I would share if I was being 100% myself.
I read this passage and it hit me to the core.
When do we reach the point in our adulthood where we become fully accepting of who we are? The point where we are no longer putting a facade in order to conform, fit in or be liked? The point when we are comfortable being "us" and not hold back for fear of not being accepted for who we are?
The point where we don't hold back and live our lives unapologetically?
For some, it may take years. For others, it may come sooner rather than later. For me, I feel like I reached that point this year at the ripe age of 26. I'm no longer basing my self worth on the validation of others. I'm no longer holding back on expressing my hobbies and interests in order to seem more appealing, be more liked or conform to the norm. I am no longer apologizing for my core beliefs, values and morals. I'm no longer diminishing myself in order to make others comfortable.
That's not to say that I'm scoffing at the need for continual growth and change. I acknowledge that I'm flawed and that I still need to work on certain things about myself but I believe I can do that while simultaneously accepting my core self.
My blog is called SA rambles because it's my attempt at conveying my inner jumble thoughts. This might make absolutely no sense but what I'm trying to say is that I'm no longer holding back. I'm willing to be vulnerable and be my true self instead of feeling like an imposter.
In the past, I held back a lot of core pieces of who I am because I was paralyzed by this fear of not being liked or fitting in. This cost me the chance of forming strong friendships and it makes me sad that I was so insecure in myself and that I thought I wasn't worthy enough to be liked for just being "me." For so long I thought that in order to reach this level of acceptance I had to physically change the way I looked. That I had to look a certain way in order to finally feel comfortable enough sharing who I am. Boy, was I wrong because that is totally not the case.
It feels so damn good to not feel like I need to act a certain way, look a certain way or think a certain way to be worthy and confident in myself. It took 26 years of little moments to get to this "aha" moment of being able to confidently stand in my own skin.
So if you want a little glimpse of who I really am, here are a few things:
I love Harry Potter. Read every book. Watched every movie (more than I can count) and can basically give you the names of all the spells. Harry Potter World in Universal Studios is my dream come true.
Reading is my favorite hobby. I can get lost in books stores, spend way too much money on buying book and have multiple shelfs of overflowing books. Nothing brings me more joy than being able to sit at home, crack open a new book and light a candle. That's my kind of Friday night.
I'm a hopeless romantic. I still haven't lost hope that I will someday find my prince charming and we'll grow old and happy together. I actually hold back tears every time I see an elderly couple holding hands because I want that so badly.
I have a lot of walls up and a hard exterior but if you take the time to know me, you'll see that I'm actually highly sensitive person and a big softy.
I love grocery stores just as much as a I love book stores. Dream date would be going to whole foods and exploring the aisles, hitting up their hot bar and eating one of their store desserts.
Sunrises bring me so much joy. It's the time where I feel most connected to God and when I let myself feel all the emotions. I cry a lot during this time, tears of joy and sorrow, but I feel so damn good afterwards.
I live a God centered life. He was there for me through one of the darkest periods of my life and He showed me that hHs plans are way bigger than the plans I have for myself. Jeremiah 29:11 is the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I see when I go to sleep.
I'm not afraid of making people uncomfortable and calling out injustices. I will not stay quiet on issues that I have strong opinion on such as immigration, white privilege, sexual assault and the state or our nation.
Hardly ever drink because when you grow up with an alcoholic father you come to see alcohol as more bad than good. Plus I really don't like the taste if it's not wine or a margarita.
Don't wear make up. Never been interested. Not my jam but I 100% respect and look up to girls who do because that takes skillz.
My worst nightmare is being stuck sitting down for hours. I hate it. This is why I could never roadtrip. I like being outdoors and constantly moving.
I think I got this from my dad, but I LOVE to dance. Give me a dance floor and I'll be there all night.
soo there you have it folks.....just a couple of thinks that I would share if I was being 100% myself.
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